What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 03.07.2025 01:05

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

He resisted the act ,that day.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I couldn’t, believe it.

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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

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He was dying to do it , i knew.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

What happens if someone fills up their car at the pump but leaves without paying? How is this situation typically handled?

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Is it true that LGB should drop T?

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

And i lived it daily.

She was in good health!

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Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

I said to her

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I never cut or harmed myself..

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

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Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I could never make a relationship work though!

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The only rule us 5 kids had .

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I was scared of men, in general

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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

Ive learnt so much.

Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?

My family never makes their pension either.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

(And it was in our own minds.)

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He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I don,t even have a pension.

Put me off passion for life!!

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

All the time i was locked up.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Comes on , in middle age.

But it wasn’t much.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I was 9 years of age.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

She married twice! .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

He knew the spot.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I waited trembling.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I write beautiful poetry .

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Who then, do I blame.?

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

So whats the point in blame.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Im still living with it.

I was seconnd youngest,

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I think the readers, may guess!

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

My mum and dad in the seventies!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Especially a lifetime of it.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

But, we were locked up after school.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

We were not on the streets..

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

I was very sick at this time too.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

It was going to be , some day.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Why did i forgive my father ?

Was to survive, this bastard.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

She wouldn,t have been !

She found it foreign!.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

So, i spoilt her more .

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

We all went to grammer schools

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

One cannot live in the past .

She loved him until the end.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

What did i know ?

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

On the 31st of Jan this month .

I have no regrets .

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

I had hoped to write a book about this .

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I will be 64.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Would this be the day?

My life is so biszare .

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

This is soul school!.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

When she asked me how she looked .

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.